Here is a brilliant, researched-based toolbox of confidence-boosting strategies to use when you just aren’t feeling self-assured and confident.

Confidence Booster 1: Think of a success or an achievement that you, and only you, have accomplished

Close your eyes and remember the moment when you succeeded, passed the exam, graduated from the university, gained the qualification or delivered the brilliant speech or presentation. Feel the feelings of excitement and pride. Vividly remember the people cheering you on in the audience or remember the pat on the back from your colleagues or boss. This simple exercise will help to remind you how far you actually have come and that you indeed deserve to be where you currently are, both in your personal and professional life. 

Confidence Booster 2: Refer to a “Confidence Boosting File”

Take some time to gather excellent reviews, testimonials from clients, emails or letters acknowledging your success and heartfelt texts from friends and family. Put them into a file on your computer, phone or at your desk, and refer to them when you feel anxious, worrisome, doubtful, stressed-out or insignificant. Rereading these will help remind you how appreciated, accomplished and loved you truly are.  

Confidence Booster 3: Remind yourself of overcoming self-doubt in the past

Think back to a time when you, despite your own self-doubt and that of others, successfully crossed the finish line. Despite all odds, you won or succeeded at something that you once had deemed impossible. Doing so will remind you that you are indeed stronger than you actually think, and that you are capable of achieving anything you put your mind to. 

Confidence Booster 4: Meet up or call someone who makes you come alive!

We all have those friends who brighten our spirits, make us laugh and truly uplift us in an instant. Make an effort when you are feeling down, unconfident and or burnt out to contact that person- even if it is just for a five or ten-minute conversation. Tap into that wonderful network you have and call upon his/her strength and humor. This is one of the biggest moral-boosters out there! Plus, as an added bonus, research at Harvard shows that strengthening our social relationships will improve our health and help us to live longer.

Confidence Booster 5: Make time for some headspace

We all whirl around working, exercising, running errands, worrying, planning and preparing, but we rarely take a moment for ourselves. We resist unplugging and giving ourselves headspace. But it is imperative that you give yourself the permission to reboot and reset from time to time. As Anne Lamott said so cheekily in her TED talk, “Almost everything will work again if you unplug it, including you!” Take some time to unplug. Start with five or ten minutes- and if you enjoy it- work your way up, day by day, to 20 or 30 minutes. Want an app for this? There is, and it’s genius: Headspace! 

Confidence Booster 6: Talk to yourself like your biggest fan would

Who is your biggest fan? Your sibling, parent, friend, childhood neighbor, colleague? Think of that person. Now, ask yourself, “What would they say about what kind of person I am, what I have achieved so far in my life and what kind of spouse/ mother/ friend/ colleague I am? We tend to talk so negatively to ourselves, and sometimes we just need an outsider’s perspective. If you want to take this exercise to the next level- call that person up and ask them to tell you their opinion of who you have become and what you have accomplished so far.

Confidence Booster 7: Mirror Exercise

This is one of the simplest, yet most powerful self-confidence-boosting exercises ever. It helps to replace the negative chatterbox and banter that dominates our thoughts with positive self-talk. 100% of my clients swear by this exercise because it transforms the way they feel about themselves. 

The exercise: Stand in front of the mirror, and tell yourself, out loud, all the things you are proud of accomplishing over the past 24 hours:

• Professional, financial, educational or emotional achievements
• Personal habits that you kept up- ie: fitness, financial, dietary or health rituals 
• Any temptations that you did not give in to- ie: staying up too late, eating unhealthy foods, drinking too much, etc.

Start by saying your name, list your accomplishments/those things you are proud of having achieved, and then at the end, say “I love you” to yourself in the mirror. Then, take an extra few moments to just look at yourself and feel the impact of what you just said. You want to absorb what you said and not just turn away, feel embarrassed and write the exercise off as silly or stupid. Throughout the exercise, try to maintain eye contact with yourself. 

You may have physical and emotional reactions to this exercise- you may feel uncomfortable or feel like crying (or actually cry.) Know that this is ok and part of the process of releasing baggage, the old negative self-judgments, unrealistic expectations, wounds from childhood. Just keep talking to yourself. And try doing this exercise day after day after day, over the course of a few weeks, if possible. Research shows we need reminders and habits to keep us on track, to help us become better people and make better decisions.

Now, I completely understand this exercise may cause you to feel awkward and uncomfortable at first. I mean, when was the last time you talked positively to yourself in front of a mirror? Most of us have never been taught to acknowledge our achievements or talk positively to ourselves. We avoid at all cost “tooting our own horn.” But the fact is, if you don’t take the time to pat yourself on the back and acknowledge all you have accomplished- even the tiniest of accomplishments- who will?  

So try it today, and keep at it for a week, or longer. See what difference it makes in your self-esteem, in your levels of confidence, in your belief in self. 

Confidence Booster 8: Get outside 

Just put on your sneakers and go outside for a walk. Look at the surroundings, breathe, relax and ask yourself how you can be more “in flow.” Throw your to-do list out the window for the time being and only concentrate on yourself. Observe and absorb your surroundings and just try to let yourself reboot. 

Confidence Booster 9: Find someone else to uplift, support or encourage.

When we are feeling stuck, burnt out or lost we tend to only focus on ourselves, our problems, our surroundings and our hardships. But why not break that pattern and go help someone else. Go deliver flowers to someone at a senior center or hospital, buy or cook some baked goods and bring them to a friend or neighbor, ask a stressed-out colleague if there is something you could do to help her out, call up an elderly relative or make the effort to give your child some 1-1 time. Helping others boosts our good-feeling hormones and reminds us to focus on something other than just “ourselves.”

Confidence Booster 10: Give yourself a break!

Life is crazy, challenging, stressful, overwhelming and uncertain. Sometimes you just need to give yourself permission to just let go and relax. Remind yourself that you are doing the best you can right now. And that must suffice. Listen to your body. Take time out by doing something you really enjoy but rarely allow yourself to do. Indulge in one of your favorite lunches- even if it means driving across town to your favorite restaurant. Listen to a podcast that makes cry with laughter. 

The next time you are feeling unconfident, not self-assured and stuck, please give these confidence boosting strategies a try.

Research has shown that if you use strategies like those listed above, you will gradually begin to feel more self-assured and more self-confident. Take some time this week to try out one or two of these strategies. If they work for you, why not consider turning some of them into daily habits or rituals?

Here’s to your success,

Alexandra

Ready to rid yourself of self-doubt and become truly confident? Contact me at [email protected] to set up a free coaching session about how I could help you!